Guest Posts Marriage

Better Together – After Saying I Do (Year 3) by David Oyuke

The thing about love is that it is many things. Some more than others but when it is true, those things, no matter how tough, end up making our lives more beautiful.

Today marks three years since Koki and I got married. With hearts green and eyes wide, we jumped in believing that as long as we had God and each other, everything would be alright.

Those words have been spoken by many, some of whom today for one reason or another are not together. That is not to mean those words were not spoken intentionally, but just to show that we are not experts in saying those words and it is simply by grace that we are here.

Each morning, by around 3:30 am, I kiss my wife good morning and head over to work. My voice travels across the country, waking many up, with my ears firmly on the pulse of those who listen. My voice helps to build people in the morning but I still remember that there lies something of extreme importance to build when I get back home. That the most important times my words and presence are needed are when my microphone is off.

Building a marriage is deliberate work. Click To Tweet

We have had to have difficult conversations, sometimes followed up with tears and many times our neighbors – if they wanted to – could charge us for their house repairs, knowing how our laughs have cut through our walls and have roamed the corridors of other people’s houses.

In these years, albeit short, we have learned grace. You see, the world we live in is too wounded and the people too distant for grace to be a norm. When someone annoys you, you simply move on. We are not as fast to reconcile as we are to break apart and no marriage survives that way.

Just yesterday, we had one of those moments where we clearly said things that hurt but fast forward an hour and we could laugh again. I realize that in marriage, you would rather be with someone who you love even through the pain than who you are only in it for the laughter filled moments.

Tears and laughs have all been mirrors for us and we see each other clearer than ever.

I remember thinking to myself that if there is something that has grown in these few years it’s my respect for my wife. We may have differing views, and thus heated arguments, but as the years roll by, I see her more as a powerful woman worth every ounce of respect and honor.

This may sound strange because you assume that honor and respect are automatic. Well, honor remains a theory unless tested and the same goes with respect. I have seen her dig and claw in order to live out her dreams and in this world, that deserves respect. I have been a witness to the flights taken on the journey to self belief and have watched her nurse her wounds after a tough crash. Until you see some of these things, you’ll never truly know how strong someone is.

Our battle scars are quite clear and one would think that these scars we wear are from waging war against each other but they are actually from the times we fought lions on behalf of one another.

When one was down, the other would be there - spear in one hand, a caress in another - because sometimes that's what marriage is. Click To Tweet

You realize that the fighting changes. You now fight for your friend, you become afraid together than brave alone and in each other’s arms you find strength.

Maybe now it makes sense why this whole year each time we look at the time we see 3:33. There’s something special about what today will bring and the start of this 3rd year.

Whatever it brings, one thing is certain, we have learned just how much we are better together. That loving, living and working for one another is endlessly beautiful. That we can wage war to see each other smile. That we can rip open dark skies and pluck rain drop after rain drop if only to watch this love bloom  We have learned we are nothing close to perfect and that’s perfect. After all, no one is and yet when together, it’s the closest thing to what that must feel.

We know how precious tears are so when we see them, we know how much they hurt. Even if we can’t feel the others pain, seeing them is reason enough to make a change. We have learned how our laughs cure every ill in the world within us and outside of us.

I have learned that her laugh is one I will fight each day to hear as it is what pulls me back from the brink of death and to see it fade is to desecrate something not even the greatest sculptor could sculpt.

We have learned to love more. God, each other and everything we are and what we pray to be. To love those versions of us ahead of time and to be patient even as we become those people.

We have learned to trust each other more with the most fragile parts of our lives knowing only our hands can be used by God to make us whole. Click To Tweet

Clearly, we have learned a lot and every day, when I face the world on its dark mornings and picture what we have, I see just why the word priceless exists.

 

David Oyuke aka BlackSkillz is a poet, Hip Hop artist and radio host who is falling back in love with himself, life and his craft. After taking quite a long break from active poetry and music, he broke his silence in 2018 with the release of his debut poetry anthology “Flowers in a broken vase” a book on healing, self love, and seeing the things that truly matter in the world around and within. It retails for 650/- and can be bought at Bookstop Yaya.

You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

  • Reply
    Phyllis
    July 24, 2018 at 7:49 am

    Happy anniversary guys. So much to learn from you.

    • Reply
      David Oyuke
      July 24, 2018 at 4:47 pm

      Thank you Phyllis!!!!!

  • Reply
    Alice Matthews
    July 24, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    Happy anniversary. Today we celebrate 36 years i loved all you had to say. I wish we lived closer we could go out to dinner together and celebrate all God has done and is doing.

    • Reply
      David Oyuke
      July 24, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      Oh Alice, how we love and miss you guys. Happy anniversary to you and Joel. I really wish we’d have been in the same area today but all our love, as borderless and boundless as it is, to you both

  • Reply
    Catherine
    July 27, 2018 at 7:10 am

    Profound…Hopeful…Gorgeous
    What a masterpiece
    What a powerful divine call
    Thank You for showing and sharing your light
    Happy Anniversary.

    • Reply
      David Oyuke
      July 27, 2018 at 7:54 am

      Thank you so much Catherine for taking time to read & to dive into this world of ours. We appreciate your words and hold them close. ☺

  • Reply
    Jerralea MIller
    July 31, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    Sounds like you two are growing closer and closer.

    My hubby and I’ve been married 42 years and we truly are a part of each other. I can’t imagine me without him.

    Marriage can certainly be a beautiful experience but it takes work and never giving up!

    • Reply
      Koki
      August 6, 2018 at 11:09 am

      42 years? Congratulations Jerralea. When I grow up… 😀 Thank you

  • Reply
    Debbie Wilson
    August 1, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    Happy Anniversary. Sweet thoughts

    • Reply
      Koki
      August 6, 2018 at 11:10 am

      Thanks Debbie <3

  • Reply
    Dolly Lee
    August 2, 2018 at 12:35 am

    Happy Anniversary…Love this line: “That the most important times my words and presence are needed are when my microphone is off.” My husband and I have been married almost 27 years…laughter and prayer are gifts 🙂

    • Reply
      Koki
      August 6, 2018 at 11:11 am

      Yes they are Dolly 🙂 Thank you

  • Reply
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