It’s funny how this song captures my book so well. Everything about it. When I listened to it with my bandmate in 2016 on the NPR website when it came out, it was my favourite one but like Held by Natalie Grant and The Shack, it’s taken new meaning with the events that unfolded in my life.
I know it’s been a little too deep for comfort on the website lately, but it’s necessary. It’s needed. A lot of people are drowning in the world, so if what’s needed is a little vulnerability on my end when it comes to dealing with grief, I’m game.
I wouldn’t have accepted this journey if it was offered and up to me, but we’re here. I couldn’t avoid it.
“Run baby run
Don’t you know I’ve tried
But escape is a waste ain’t no use in hiding
you know the best way over’s through…”
And no one essentially told me this, but God showed me this: To not despise my tears. To not ignore my pain. To not pretend to be okay. Folks out here seem fine then they commit suicide and you wonder what inspired it all. We need to wear our hearts on our foreheads. Our sleeves are still a hideout. And I hope my vulnerability, as messy as it has been and raw and detailed through it, will give you permission to deal with your hurts and griefs. Don’t try skipping steps because it’ll wait for you ahead. Go through it. Deal with it. Weep. Acknowledge the hurts, the aches, and the places that are hot to the touch.
“So if it matters let it matter
If your heart’s breaking let it ache
Catch those pieces as they scatter
Know your hurt is not in vain
Don’t hide yourself from the horror
Hurt today here tomorrow
If it’s fragile and it shatters
Let it matter, let it matter…”
It’s not for nothing. It never is. Mourning will quiet and fade into joy. Weeping will turn to laughter. Ash will become beauty. But my God, give yourself permission to weep. Give yourself permission to go through to get through. Because you will get through. I promise you.