Life

Made to brave a wanting heart

There are times you know you should burst out crying. Times when you’re fighting tears as they stain the white of your eye because it’s not a good time. There are people here. It’s not dark yet. There’s always a reason to cover, but when tears don’t go out they dive in deep. And you can feel your heart getting heavy―insides too full tinged with pain that wants to burst right out the seams. So you fight it. You cover it.

But your eyes betray you. And you watch your heart start to sink. You walk away knowing very well it is a matter to be cried out and laid bare before God, but you don’t want anyone asking questions. Not before you spill everything before Him. You’ve done it too many times before. And your eyes are still swollen red from yesterday. But you do it anyway hoping you’ll get cried out someday. Someday… Does it ever come?

I have known the shape and arch of longing for many years. It’s been the story of my life. I’ve wanted more, pushed for more, but somehow seemed to get less. Wanting is hard friends. And longing can sometimes leave you breathless and heart-sick pressing God for an inkling as to when things will change. A clue as to when the God of suddenly that colours the pages of scripture will show up strong for you.

Continue reading this post over at my dear sister Crystal Twaddell’s website. She was kind enough to invite me to guest post for her Made For Brave series. It’s funny, Crystal invited me to share in November around July. I remember not being too sure about what I’d write at the time, and almost certain that it would concern moving houses or my career. I guess life’s funny that way.

You can read the whole post in the link below.

Made to Brave a Wanting Heart

xo,

  • Reply
    When the dream tarries - Koki Oyuke
    November 19, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    […] To be here is such a dream come true. After all we’ve been through, after all the hoping and wanting and crying, it’s been surreal. We’re […]

  • Reply
    Mercy
    November 20, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    My heart goes out to you, though it tarries, it shall come to pass 🙂

    • Reply
      Koki
      November 23, 2018 at 9:43 am

      Thanks Mercy 🙂 ❤

  • Reply
    It comes & goes in waves - Koki Oyuke
    November 23, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    […] areas of my faith. But Christianese, or what feels like empty Christian platitudes weary me because I was (still am) living in the questions. I didn’t and I don’t want people to tell me I’ll have kids to encourage me. I […]

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