I’m the chunkiest I’ve ever been in my life. As a post Insanity graduate, I imagine Shaun T would doubt that at first glance till I slip him the receipt that came with his comment on this Instagram post. Go on. Have a look at the first comment.
Yep. Same chic, just a little thickums now. And by little, I mean a lot. Lol!
It’s called relationship/marriage gut and no, not everyone gets to look this way, *wink*.
I’m reminded of a friend’s wedding in 2016, where a common friend told me something along the lines of, “Marriage looks good on you. At least you haven’t let yourself go like other wives.”
I turned and saw who she was referring to. It was a common friend we had gone to school with. She had gotten married end 2015 and was trying to figure out what to do with her natural mane so she looked okay.
I didn’t know exactly how to respond because let me tell you, depending on how you settle into marriage and throw in finances in the mix, there are legit days when you can look like okay. And I know okay isn’t how society expects you to show up at a wedding but there’s always another side to the story.
Actually, what I didn’t tell her was how I made a little effort for the wedding but, BUT, on the real, if she was a fly on the wall in our home, she’d see that most days I tend to just rock a tank top and knickers and my hair looks, how do I put it… Untamed. Like Amazon wild, no Bezos. Haha! Pun!
I’ll explain. On March 16th this year when KPLC had an outage in our area, I picked up Gabrielle Union’s book. It wasn’t for me (I realized midway) but I stuck to it and read it all the way through. There was a part where Gabrielle was talking about her life coach asking her what makes her happy and not being able to answer it. I was like, “Hhhmmm… What makes you happy Koki?” And coming from a self introspection of my heart and fear as I read Max Lucado’s Fearless, I tried to come up with my list.
So, to tie back with the wedding story and the hair, the last thing that made it to my list on what makes me happy was:
Dave calling me beautiful when I look like a freedom fighter or Groot (Guardians of the Galaxy) or a troll (my hair all busted and untied).
I wasn’t even trying to be funny. I was drawing comparisons because that’s my natural untamed. I guess it’s a good thing God gave me someone passionate about freedom fighters and the civil rights movement. Thank you God my weird afro found a loving home. Lol!
Labels can be boring. Labels about beauty and size, now that’s a whole other thing.
I recently took up make-up for my YouTube channel because, get this, I didn’t want my unbeat face to be a reason why guys didn’t hear me out. Honestly though, I’d been so anti-make-up for so long until I realized it was because it felt like it was a ‘some people’ thing so definitely not for me. So, the irony is me taking it up and wanting to perfect a face beat. Not there yet but I’ll get there. Aaaah! Circle of life. Haha!
Do I love my body and quadruple layer muffin top? You betcha! Though I suspect the days are numbered for my clothes as I’m outgrowing them so I might need to drop a little on the scale for comfort, naaaahmean?
And doesn’t it? The world change its heart, that is? I gave up keeping up. Today, thick is beautiful. Tomorrow, be skinny. I can’t even! I’mma just love me through my changes.
As I round it all up, how empowering is it to appreciate yourself as you are? I’m finding it intriguing how my now body looks in certain clothes coz it look goooood! I still get a little winded after a flight of stairs, but I know how far my body can go so I’ll do it for the right reasons aka not wheezing up six flights of stairs. And not Insanity again – which is brutal but the results are quick (think 2 months). Maybe something along my pace. But I’m happy here.
That’s what I am.