Guest Posts Marriage

Stubbornly Hopeful By Jimmy Curtis IV

Curtis has been one of Dave and I’s longest friend. In fact, how I remember it is that when Dave was ‘feeling me’ back in Uni, Curtis was the one who encouraged him to pursue me. Thanks bro! Haha! On the real though, Curtis is an artist in every sense of the word – skilled in cunning works and a master dad jokestar. Like, for real. The eye-rolls are aplenty when he’s in the same room with my hubby (an equal measure Corn(y)-Man) but Dave and I love him and Soila, his wife, to bits!

Their story is beautiful! As in beautiful! You can check out their engagement here and their wedding highlights here. Like I said – beautiful! Not just in the natural sense of it but also in what God is doing through their marriage which is writing a wonderful narrative of young love and thriving marriages for our generation. He and his wife were the key speakers at my church’s marriage conference last year and he serves as the co-principal of our premarital class.

He has this book-worthy quote about marriage that I just couldn’t leave out.

When you marry the right person, you experience challenges. When you marry the wrong person, what you experience are consequences. Click To Tweet

And ain’t that the truth! One of the biggest decisions in life is who you marry and I think we should let Curtis take it from here, yes?

Enjoy!

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Nobody is ever ready for marriage. It’s impossible to because readiness denotes that you’ve got everything figured out. But it’s possible to be prepared for marriage.

One thing that my wife and I learned earlier on is that the best thing that prepares you for marriage is the marriage itself. The premarital classes, books, seminars, counsel by the village elders, TEDtalks on successful marriages etc are all good and help shape your perspectives about what you’re really getting yourself into, but nothing really prepares you for the real deal like the marriage itself.

When God was creating the universe, the first thing He spoke into existence is Light. We know that this first light wasn’t the light we get from the sun, moon and stars. It’s a light symbolic for revelation, wisdom and knowledge. In other words, we can say He spoke science into existence. Science is basically the governing laws and principles of how things work.

Everything that we know today about life is governed by that science. One of these things happens to be marriage. You see, there is a science to marriage. Science helps us to be able to predict the outcome of things based on what principles have been applied regarding that particular subject.

Most people don’t get married with the intention of divorcing, but they divorce anyway. Most of people get into marriage devoted to make it work but it still crumbles. The reason why is because we lack the science of how things work in marriage. It’s like a farmer who goes to a garden. He has all the good intentions of tending to that garden to make it the most beautiful it can be but without the proper tools, it doesn’t matter how good his intentions are. Or perhaps he has all the tools necessary but lacks the know-how to use them. Or even perhaps he has the tools and the know-how but lacks the required personnel to help tend the garden. In the end, that garden will still become a failed project.

One of the sciences I have learnt about our marriage is that it’s not about us. Yes we are involved but it’s not really about us. That’s the first principle of marriage - selflessness. Click To Tweet

It’s an interesting yet twisted perspective. It’s not really about you but you have to take care of yourself as a couple FIRST before you can be of benefit to anyone else. There are worlds that will come out that marriage.

“Revival looks like family”

~ Jonathan Helser

When God wants to initiate a move on earth, He sets up a family context either biological or spiritual. This is a principle that even non-Christians understand. Wealth and power is preserved and transferred through family generations that began with a couple. In a way, we can say marriage is portal of Divine transactions.

One of the things that has made me appreciate my wife is when I began to see the future in her. Click To Tweet

I believe every couple must be able to see themselves 30 years later and be able to foresee a coherent connection of all their being way before they get married. They should be able to have at least an idea of how their personalities, talents, prophecies, ambitions, vision and dreams become one.

Lack of this foresight is what makes marriages short sighted. Any time when the view is myopic, people tend to give up easier, dreams tend to die sooner and before you realize it, boredom creeps in.

There was a time when we were just almost clicking one year in marriage when I lost my job. This wasn’t a big deal because I was anticipating the change anyway, so I had already started to mentally prepare for the transition. I welcomed it with glee because I had dreams and ambitions that I was eager to fulfill. It was just a matter of two or three months of sacrifice and making do with my wife’s income then once I hit jackpot with my plans, we’d be back to normal or perhaps even better. Or so I thought…

Only for my wife to lose her job two months later. This was a complete curve ball that we didn’t like. We had to shift from investing for our next big project to working for bills and rent. It felt like we were swimming in the deep sea and the only thing that was on top of water were our heads. And even those struggled to stay afloat.

We found ourselves in a place where we began to forget that marriage was about the relationship and instead we were busy just trying to make sure bills were paid. We became busy bodies. Most of our conversations revolved around how we’d sort out the electricity bill, what next gig would be enough to sort out rent for the next month and such. We felt like our dreams are being delayed and it was really messing up our marriage plans because we wanted to be a force within our first two years. An empire. For some reason, we thought we could do in two years what Lucious Lyon and Cookie took decades to do. Talk about millennial impatience. Thanks to God, through a series of circumstantial revelations, we were able to snap out of that mentality.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t trade those hard days for anything. There's a special kind of bonding you go through with your spouse when your wallets run dry. Click To Tweet

You get to see each other from a perspective you never have. It’s like a type of being stripped naked before each other. Money and riches can sometimes cover up for a lot of things. But when the tap begins to run dry, that’s the moment you begin to discover things about yourself that you didn’t know you were there – both good and bad. That’s when you realize what a bad temper you have, or how easily crestfallen you get. That’s when we really understood what they meant when they say “for richer and for poorer”. There’s a clear perspective a married couple is supposed to get about each other both when there is money and when there isn’t.

There is a level of trust and reliance that we can have on each other because of those survival days we went through. Sometimes, it even feels like we are different people. The level of growth is so evident that we even wonder how the heck we were leaving our lives before that season came.

And it is at that moment that we discovered a tool called Hope. This tool is necessary for cultivating every garden.

Marriage gardens begin to wither when hope begins to fade. Click To Tweet

You’ve got to have hope. There’s an intrinsic manner in which the science of hope functions. It builds your character in the most unsuspecting of ways. And it doesn’t look like much until you later realize that you needed that character adjustment as a foundation for your empire.

So my encouragement to every couple, whether married or planning to is this:

There are many tools to use in this garden called marriage and no you cannot know or use them all at once. Every season will require a specific tool. Trust God to show you which one when the time comes. But one tool that is relevant all seasons round, is Hope. You have to live a hopeful life. And trust me, it’s not always easy. But we’ve got to learn to be stubbornly hopeful.

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Didn’t I tell you it’d be a treat? Such honey words for the soul! Thank you for passing by Curtis. Bring your wife by next time, yeah? I’m sure we’d all love to hear and glean from her.

I’m a Husband. Author. Fine Artist. Creative director. Art Mentor. Aspiring Film Maker. Co-Founder of The Fourth Inspired Creatives, an upcoming creative powerhouse that mentors budding artists.
I love motorcycles though I can’t ride one to save my life…yet 🙂 I love my wife, I think she such a gorgeous human being. And I love God and the journey of discovering Him as a Creative Father. It’s where I draw a lot of my identity and expression as an artist.

Find him on Facebook, Instagram or Youtube and find Soila his wife on Facebook and Instagram and Youtube

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